This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
