Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
