yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
