So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
