Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
