i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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