thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
