Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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