I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
