he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
