4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
