I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
