this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
