I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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