Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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