I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
