just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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