Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
