We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
