yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
