Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
