do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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