What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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