Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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