my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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