people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
