with your own penis?
look no pants
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
