shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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