"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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