my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
