I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
