If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
