Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
