Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
