He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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