I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
