Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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