Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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