Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she looked like the before picture.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
