Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
