i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
