we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
