he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
