My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
