So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
