what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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