Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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