He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
