My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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