He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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