You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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