dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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