You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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